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Seven months after Ella Dawson says she was diagnosed with genital herpes, she remembers a young man at a college party offering her a sip of his beer. No offence: Ella Dawson says she feels empowered talking bluntly about her genital herpes. Credit: Ella Dawson. Ms Dawson, 22, was just learning to shed the shame that came with her infection, which affects one in eight Australians. She could already tell this sense of isolation was worse than any outbreak.
So, she spoke up – and shared the tale in an essay in Women’s Health magazine , published this week.
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A few years ago, back when I was regularly trolling OKCupid for dates, I received a message from a potential paramour. He’d been scanning through the survey answers associated with my profile, and one response in particular gave him pause: when asked whether I’d consider dating someone with herpes, I’d responded no. It wasn’t some carefully considered stance on sexual transmitted infections, or grand statement about herpes.
For him, however, it was a potential deal breaker: As you’ve probably figured out by now, my suitor was a member of that vast group of sexually active adults who’ve been infected with herpes. The internet was supposed to be transformative for people with incurable, but highly preventable, STIs like herpes simplex virus HSV who wanted to date while being open about their status.
There’s no question that these sites which have even spawned their own Tinder-like apps are a fantastic demonstration of how innovative online dating platforms can be. But even as they bring together a number of people living with STIs, they don’t seem to do much to improve general education about living with herpes and other STIs. And as a result, people going online in search of connection and support often end up feeling stigmatized, isolated, and more alone than ever.
And in the beginning, that seemed to be the case. Hoping to improve her prospects, or at least connect with people in a similar position, Ellie turned to the internet. But despite the promise of community and support, she found that STI-focused dating sites just made her feel worse. And since these sites’ only criterion for joining was an STI diagnosis, members didn’t really have that much in common aside from their diagnosis, which many seemed obsessed by.
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